Yesterday I went on a Religion retreat that was mandatory, like you HAD to go and if you skipped, they'd hunt you down and force you to go with a random class. I had only been on one 2 years ago in grade 10 with my nun teacher and about 23 of my peers, only 2 of them I liked though. We ate disgusting pizza, prayed a lot and made a home for a egg that was later dropped from the tallest in the class, who stood on a chair as well (mine didn't break, btw) So when I heard about my class trip I was anything BUT excited.
The class groaned and complained as the teacher announced to us the field trip to a family retreat home 45 minutes away. He told us we weren't going to pray, or play with eggs, or eat pizza, but we were going to reflect on our time in high school.
April 28th, my 20 peers, 2 teachers and myself loaded onto a bus that had a pedofile looking blue butterfly at the front and made our way to the retreat center. I will admit that the trip was pretty fun, we hiked a bit, mediated a bit, laughed a lot, but something about that day really got me thinking. I was put into a pair with this guy I mostly talked to in first semester of grade 9 and second of grade 11. He’s a stoner overcoming addiction. He was arrested on his 17th birthday as well, which was surprising because the kid was more innocent than me in grade 9. We had questions to answer and then with had to share with the class what we admired about the person, what surprised us and what we have in common. It was odd how much I had in common with this person so different from me. He told me that I’m easy to talk to, hard working, and many more that surprised me.
Another thing was the ride home. I sat next to one of my friends in the class and it was a long silent, near the front because the guys sprinted to the bus after the words ‘time to leave’ came out of the teacher’s mouth. My male teacher, who told us his name is ‘Killer’ and he broke many hearts in his prime (turns out his name is the same as my mom’s- Kris), and the female campus ministry teacher were talking about how much they hate school and they want it to be summer, when she said ‘well there’s only 38 more days of school left.’
Now there’s only 36, and I'm beginning to freak out. I don't want to leave high school, because I've doubted myself all through it. Whether it was a simple ‘omg I totally failed that test’ and then getting it back and seeing I got 92% or thinking I can’t handle the situations I get myself into. I'm not popular, athletic, a stoner, a great singer, or a partier (even thought there was that one night..), I’m just a shy 17 year old girl, who sits at home doing homework and sits in class trying too hard to be liked. I've never had a boyfriend, or tons of friends that invite me places. I’m just an awkward person, who happens to get good marks doing nothing and calls herself a baby a little too much.
I’m going to try my hardest to write on here my experiences during the day and also find myself through my last month of school.
Until next time,
Kaity Marie
